Katelyn Renee Shumaker

Thursday August 14, 2008

I was headed to see you the other day and I saw a cloud that was very long and thin. It reminded me of a slide and made me think about when we went down the slide at the fair, the one we had to sit on the burlap sacks for. Remember? It took us 3-yrs to talk the carni into letting me take you down that slide but it was worth it! You always loved slides, the longer the better! I found a picture yesterday of you and me at Brumbaugh's, it was during one of your field trips in pre-school. You and mommy were, of course, sliding down a big slide! Like always there was a huge smile on your face!!!

Fair starts tomorrow and I wish you were here to enjoy it! The whether is even your kind of wheather! You loved the lights and watching all the people! I remember your first fair! Daddy, mommy, and you went one night. You were not a happy little girl so we decided to go ahead and come home.  Mommy was thirsty and got a Mountain Dew (what else would I get) and put it into the cup holder on your stroller which you were facing. You instantly stopped crying!!!! To test it we took the MD away and you started crying again!! We put it back in front of you and presto you stopped! We did this a couple of times just to make sure it wasn't a coincidence. You were happy as long as you could see the MD! So we ended up staying at the fair a little longer. That was just the start of you liking your MD!! There's no denying your are my daughter!I love you with all my heart!!!

Sunday August 10, 2008

As I start out every month, I can NOT believe it has been 10-months. It seems literally like a lifetime has gone by since I heard your contagious laugh, seen your beautiful smile, brushed your silky hair, hugged you tight, and kissed your Angel like skin!! 

 

It’s a little odd how last month’s the memory I wrote had to do with Dakota missing youL And not even 2 ½-wks later it happened all over again, watching someone I love slip away from me. She DID miss you and now she’s with you playing and taking walks with you and Riddick, just remember to give them both lots of treats, I doubt though Dakota would let you forgetJ

  

We have had some summer storms lately and the thunder is so loud and rumbling. Madi and Audrey said the thunder was you bowling and getting strikes! I think it was you just throwing balls left and right because you never seemed to care if it was a strike or not! You just liked hearing the ball hit the floor and the loud thud it made and the sound of crashing pins, it didn’t matter how many pins as long as the sound was loud! I remember the first time we went bowling; it was you and me, Karen, Jacob, Angie, Doug, Garrison, Jon, and Amy. Remember? We went to the bowling alley in Troy! Your laugh will always be with me!!! I can still hear it and remember how it made me feel, you just had to laugh along and that’s what we all did when the first ball hit the floor that afternoon!

 

The last few days the clouds have been absolutely amazing! They just pop right out of the sky! I can’t even describe how beautiful they are! I look at them and just smile because I can imagine you on top of them just playing, running, and having the best time of your life! I can NOT wait until we are on them TOGETHER skipping and singing holding hands! I also can NOT wait to give you the biggest bear hug ever, my how you giggled when I did that, I’d just hug you tight and say “Squeeeeeeeeeeeze” and you giggled and giggledJ I pray to God at night and ask him to give you that great big bear hug for me! Until I see you again you are ALWAYS in my heart, thoughts, and prayers forever and always. I love you baby and there is not literally a second that goes by that I do not think of you and ache for you! I love you with all my heart plus a whole lot more!!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

July 10, 2008

9-months!!! The last time 9-months was truly significant to me was when I was pregnant with you! If only this 9-months you could come back to me! I know no one has forgotten you but I feel at times like some have, including me. There are times I feel so disconnected from you and fear that I’m loosing youL Sometimes I feel guilty that I’m moving on with my life. Part of me knows none of that is true but I periodically have those little “voices” that pop into my head. You already knew your mom was crazyJ

 

There are so many times that I will be mowing, working in the garden, or doing some kind of house work and for a split second I panic and think I better go check on Katelyn. I even catch myself starting to run into the living room. I still wake up every night, usually between 2am and 3am, just like you and I did almost every night, WELL, for almost your whole life!! You always were a party girl and heaven forbid anyone slept!!! I remember there for a period you were going through a phase where you’d wake up in the middle of the night and just squeal until I came into your room!!! I never found it very cute THEN but NOW I would give ANYTHING to go back to those days!!! I love you so much! I know Dakota misses you too, she rarely leaves my side. There are times that she still goes into your room and first looks up on your bed and then all around for you. Sometimes she just goes in there and lies in the middle of your floor looking into the hallway like she’s waiting for you! I take her with me sometimes to the cemetery and she just chills out right there beside you and waits til I'm ready to leave, almost like she knows where she is! See, I know that no one has or ever will forget you I just need help keeping those voices away! So Katelyn, help mommy tell them to be quiet, NOT get louder, which I can see you doing just for a giggle! I love you with all my heart plus some!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday July 3, 2008

Today was my last day of babysittingL Although I know I am making the right move it still really makes me sad. To think I started babysitting over 8-yrs ago so I could stay home with you! Having the kids around was still a constant I had in my life since you’ve been gone that was the same when you were here. To watch the kids grow and mature is such a wonderful thing! To hear all of them still talk about you really was a therapeutic thing for me. Maybe that’s selfish but those kids really helped me with my grief even though not one of them could even begin to realize that. They loved you so much and you made such an impact on their life and I know they made one on yours as well! Bringing the kids into our home was just as important and good for you as anything else was. I remember Mason & Devon teaching you how to “shoot” people, Alyssa having slumber parties with you, Jared being your “mother figure”, Madi always “eating” your toes, and on and onJ

 

The kids still always talk about you whether a show or song comes on that you liked they say “that’s Katelyn’s show/song”, remembering a game you liked or a toy, and even praying at lunch for youJ They always ask God to tell you hi and tell you that they love and miss you! Every day they ask that!!!!! In the beginning Devon would always add, even if he wasn’t the one who prayed that day, “please God bring Katelyn’s sprit back to life and back to Chasity’s house”! I am sure going to miss the kids as ornery as they all were! I feel like I’m loosing them as well as loosing a part of you all over again!

 

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

8-months ago you called HEAVEN home! How I wish I could have gone with you! Instead I am here on Earth trying to make you proud and honor your life until that day does come that I can join you! I love you so much, I know I say that over and over again but I really can not express in words how much I do love you<3

It makes me smile to know that Grandma Martha and Grandma Joan are both you keeping you company and maybe even helping you be mischievous!!!! Until I join the trio I am missing and loving you with all my heart and more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday June 5, 2008

Today around 11am Grandma Martha came to live in His eternal kingdom with you! I know in my heart you were one of the first ones to welcome her with open arms giving her big bear hugs and Angel kisses! Since you went to live in Heaven Grandma is the first person to see you, I wish I were her! Grandma's been pretty sick for a little while so it is comforting to know she is finally in peace and with you. I'm sure she'd introduce you to Elvis if you'd like:) I love you Katelyn, Grandma Martha, & Grandma Joan so very much! You three will make quite a team in Heaven!!!

Saturday May 10, 2008

Can you believe it’s been 7-months ago since that horrible day? I think of you constantly! I love you so much! I’ve been thinking a lot about our Cincinnati trip that we should be planning right now! Who knew Indianapolis would be the last birthday trip? I am so thankful that we had that trip though! We (you, mommy, Aunt Ashley, & Lyndie) all had such a blast from swimming, the spy game in the halls, water gun fights in our hotel room, to the lemon wedge fight at Spaghetti Warehouse!! Did you & mommy start the lemon wedge fight? I think we did but Lyndie was sure to jump in thereJ I remember you started squealing from laughing so hard! I miss your laugh and squeal! If I only I could hear it one more timeL They say memories are golden well maybe that is true. I never wanted memories, I only wanted you. A million times I needed you, a million times I cried. If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died. In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still! In my heart you hold a place no one will ever fill. If tears could build a stairway and heartache make a lane, I'd walk the path to heaven and bring you back again. Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same. But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again. I love you my sweet Katelyn, you are always in my my heart, thoughts, and prayers!!!

 

April 11, 2008

This is you getting your groove on when Christina Aguilera started singing your favorite song!! To think 1-yr ago today we were all headed to her concert! We were given tickets through Make-A-Wish! We were all so excited! Your first rock concert!! I don't many almost 8-yr olds that are allowed to go to rock concerts but you were always the exception! You loved it-of course you would you party animal:) We seen Danity Kane, Pussycat Dolls, and Christina. We all loved "Don't Cha"! During one of the intermissions some drunk guy that was a Christina fan came up to us and gave you some of her trading cards and a Christina Aguilera t-shirt! Of course we were grateful for the free shirt but were cracking up at this guy. Remember?-he tried getting something out of his pocket and literally tons of cash fell out and then when he tried to go back to his seat he almost fell down the stairs! Somehow the guy made it back to seat on the main floor! I guess a rock concert wouldn't be the same w/out crazy drinking fans! LOL:) You really liked the whole concert except some of the music was a little too loud where we were sitting so we took your free t-shirt and wrapped it around the back of your head and ears and you were good to go! When Christina came out you were so excited! At the end of the concert she hadn't sang your song "Beautiful" yet and we were a little disappointed. She left the stage and we thought it was over and then all of a sudden she came back out and sang it! You immediately started squealing and almost jumped out of your wheelchair (thank goodness for seatbelts!) Seeing your face and expressions during that song was worth a million words!!! I wish I could see your beautiful face again. Memories are great but the real thing is even better! I love you and I am always thinking of you! Hugs and kisses are sent to you all the way to Heaven from your mommy who loves you and misses you more and more with each passing day!

Katelyn, it has been 6 months since you left us. It seems like it was yesterday.  I play your video of you laughing all the time, that sweet giggle that you have, makes me smile and laugh with you. Your mom use to throw food items and all us the time, thinking it was funny, well SO DID you. And the many van rides we took that your mom liked to throw me around from seat to floor and floor to seat, yes you thought that was very humorous as well and would bust out laughing, even when you weren't feeling good.  I miss all that so very much. I dream of you but don't remember details very well but even though I wake up missing you,  I know your in a great place.  I just feel sorry for all the other angels when they "fall" or are getting something thrown at them, your laughter can be heard and felt in my heart.  I love you sweet sweet granddaughter of mine.  Look out for mommy.  Love you with all my heart.

Thursday April 10, 2008

Wow-what else is there to say?! 6-months:( 6-months ago seems like an eternity ago, a whole another life ago that I would do absolutely anything to get backL To think 6-months and 2 ½-wks ago on Saturday, September 22^nd you and Aunt Ashley were in the living room laying on the pull out bed and mommy was putting groceries away and cleaning out cabinets. We were having a blast throwing empty boxes, full boxes, and food back and forth at each other! You just smiling and giggling like you didn’t have a care in the world! Oh how I wish we could relive that day over and over again! I can remember the last time I heard you “really” laughing—in was on Thursday, October 4^th in the hospital.  It was you, mommy, daddy, grandma, Aunt Ashley, and Lyndie in your room. Lyndie was playing w/ a postcard and flung it up and somehow it flung up and got stuck in the ceiling tiles. I think someone would have to see the ceiling and the way it was in there to truly understand how miraculous it really was!! But anyhow you loved it-leave it to Lyndie to bring out the giggle in you <3. I wish we could have recorded your laugh so I could replay it again and again!!! I love you baby to the end of this world and back again-infinity times over!!!! You are in my heart, thoughts, and prayers forever and always! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

KATELYN, I HAD A WIERD DREAM THE OTHER NIGHT..

I'M GUESSING IT WAS RIGHT AFTER YOU HAD PASSED AWAY AND MOMMY WANTED TO DO ANYTHING THAT REMIDED HER OF YOU..(WHICH SHE REALLY DOES DO) BUT ANYWAYS IN MY DREAM YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL WAS A WHALE. SO MOMMY DECIDED TO EXPAND HER BACKYARD AND PUT A BIGGGGGG POOL BACK THERE AND SHE WAS VERY DETERMINDED TO GET THAT WHALE BACK THERE. I ASKED HER HOW SHE WAS GOING TO GET A LINCENSE TO GET A WHALE BUT SHE DIDNT CARE HOW SHE HAD TO GET IT ..SHE WAS GETTING IT! FOR SOME REASON I HAD TOLD HER THAT THERE WAS NO WAY TO FIT THE WHALE OVER THE FENCE ON THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE SO SHE DECIDED THAT SHE WAS JUST GOING TO TAKE IT THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR THROUGH THE LIVINGROOM AND KITCHEN ALL THE WAY TO THE POOL IN THE BACKYARD! I GUESS I WOKE UP OR JUST DONT REMEMBER THE REST BECAUSE I DONT KNOW IF SHE GOT THE DARN WHALE BACK THERE!! MY DREAM JUST PROVES HOW MUCH YOUR MOMMY LOVES YOU..SHE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT IT WAS OR HOW HARD IT WAS TO DO! I MISS YOU SO MUCH KATELYN AND I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY !!

Monday March 10, 2008

Hey sugar! It is absolutely insain when I think that it has been 5-months today since you joined Jesus in Heaven! It seems unimaginable that I haven't held you in my arms, held your hand, kissed your sweet face, brushed your amazing hair, or just laughed with you in such a long time! I talked to a couple of people tonight and they too can not believe it has been so long! I still feel the "zombie" feeling, just doing the have to things just to get by and making it through the day. I have no sence of direction in my life right now. But I do know that you and God are here with me making it tolerable and helping me through! I thank God for every second we had together and treasure every memory! I truly look forward to the day that we run into each others arms with the biggest bear hug ever!!!!! Until that day comes I miss you greatly and love you with all my heart! Sweet dreams sweet pea!

March 2, 2008

Katelyn I just put some poems I found for St. Patty's Day on your site. Aunt Ashley & I were trying to figure out what song to put w/ them when, DUH, we thought of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", the name of one of the poems! I called grandma to have her upload the song and e-mail it to me. Dozens of artists came up. She was reading some of their names to me. She came across Katherine McPhee, the American Idol contestant. I instantly knew I wanted hers on there. Remember--daddy & you watched I think almost every episode that season together while mommy worked! I remember at the end of the season she and Taylor Hicks were among the finalists. Daddy wanted her to win and I wanted Taylor to win. If I remember right you sided with daddy! I can remember us getting all worked up on who was going to win! I think we called and voted numerous times. I can remember your smile and laugh! I remember that night like it was just the other day! I wish it was!!! When I heard grandma say her name that memory just flooded me and brought a big smile to my face and heart! I love you and miss you immensely!

Wednesday February 26, 2008

I had the most amazing dream about you this morning! When I woke up I knew I had dreamt about you but couldn't quite remember what the dream was about but I had a peaceful and content feeling! I struggled to remember what it was and when I finally quit trying so hard it just popped in my head all of a sudden. It started out w/ you in the hospital sleeping and daddy & mommy by your side. The doctors were telling us that your test numbers were expected to be up and down but not to worry. You woke up and seen me and smiled the biggest & most beautiful smile ever!!! You and I started playing and goofing around (like we always have) and just having a good old time. You were laughing so wholeheartedly! I remember in my dream thinking how the doctors watched you in amazement, having so much fun and seeming not to have a care in the world yet being in a hospital and hooked up to so many things! I know the dream was short and why did I have to dream it w/ you being in the hospital? I think the feeling of peace & contentness I had was God telling me that you are alright, happy, & in a great place! I have always known that but I need reassured now & again. So God gave me that this morning! THANK-YOU!! Your laugh & smile warmed my heart in an indescribable way! Like in my dream and your precious life here you were always so strong and amazing!! People always looked up to you and admired your strengths and perseverance! You made such a huge difference in all the lives you touched!!! I know you amazed me and made me proud every day & you definately impacted my life in the biggest way imaginable!  I love you w/ all my heart!!

Sunday February 10, 2008

     My sweetest Katelyn, today it has been 4 long months since you went home to Heaven. I feel so absolutely lost without you! I'm not sure who I am anymore without you nor do I want to know. I love you sooo much! YOU taught me so many amamzing things, some of which I am still learning even after you went to be with our Lord! You are such an absolutely beautiful and intelligent little "princess"! I know I have said it before but I am truly, truly blessed to have had you in my life! I see you in everything I do and daydream how you would react to differnet things going on around here.

     Pastor Bill mentioned you in his sermon today. It was such an honor to hear him say your name! He reminded me of some daily activites we shared in. One of which I truly miss the most and one we shared in your whole life! At the end of the night we'd be in the living room and I'd scoop you up in my arms and carry you back to your bedroom. I'd lay you in bed and snuggle right up next to you and hold you so close and tight in my arms. Sometimes we would just watch tv, sometimes sing a silly song or read a book, and sometimes I would just "chit chat" with you! I always snuggled with you until you were fast asleep or if mommy fell asleep first,which we both know happened more than once!! I always treasured that time at the end of our truly hectic day when it was just you and I and you in my arms!!!!! I remember when you were much younger even after you were asleep for awhile mommy couldn't sneak you out of her arms without you waking up. Sometimes you would start crying and as long as I held you in my arms again all would be great! Sometimes as soon as I slipped my arm away your bright hazel eyes would be wide awake, even though I was sure you were in a deep sleep, and you would just intently stare at me until I lay next to you again and soothed you back to sleep. When you were a small baby and daddy had you asleep he wouldn't even let me in the same room as you two because no matter how long you were asleep if I even tip toed in the room you would pop open those beautiful big eyes and usually not go back to sleep! I recall one night imparticular that daddy had you asleep in the recliner with him and I needed to go into the kitchen so I literally crawled through the living room to get there and by some big surprise you woke up immediately and caught me trying to be sneaky! I really do think you had a "mommy antenna" installed! Boy did you have me wrapped, I wouldn't have it any other way though!!

     I love you with all my heart & dream of the day I can hold you again!!!